No Birkin

In honor of the unofficial Hermes week we’re celebrating here at, my dear friend Maura Carlin contributes a hilarious take on the Birkin craze. Maura is a journalist and writer in NYC. You can find her musings on everyday life at


Ten years a Birkin fund . . . and still no Hermes Birkin.  Lest you suspect I can’t save money, think again.  I’ve squirreled away sufficient cash many times over only to blow the wad on something else . . . usually Chanel.   So, why is it still called the Birkin Fund and why don’t I have one?

On some level, the Birkin is simply an aspirational concept. My girlfriends refer to the B as the unattainable big gift they will never receive and, frankly, they wouldn’t buy even if given the chance.   Perhaps it’s the equivalent of the childhood dream-gift pony (one I never shared as my ideal present doesn’t poop). 

The fact that Bs are not readily available to just anyone with bank likely heightens the desire.  Trying to purchase a Birkin can be an intimidating process, even for a savvy, experienced, sophisticated shopper, fostered by rumors that you must linger on a list in the hope of some day being offered one.  That’s right, the scuttlebutt is that you must wait for the opportunity to plunk down thousands on the spot. 

I don’t know whether this urban legend is fact or fiction.  I have never tried. Even with a fully funded secret stash, nerves come over me upon entering the H promise-land.  The word Birkin gets stuck in my mouth.  But that’s not the only problem.

I’ve not actually carried a Birkin.  I’ve seen them, touched them, and held them.  None of that compares to putting in your necessaries and walking around opening and closing the bag (which I am known to do before buying any other purse).  Rumor has it that you can’t do that in a Hermes store. It’s a heavy bag empty, let alone loaded, and I don’t know whether my aging body can handle it.  The clasp may be too difficult for soon-to-be arthritic fingers.  And I do like my shoulder/crossbody option. 

Maybe I’m more like Grace Kelly than Jane Birkin. Does “Kelly fund” have a nice ring?


Love Maura (&PurseBop)

Published: January 31st, 2015
Updated: May 19th, 2017

Leave A Comment

Your email address will not be published.

1 Responses to “No Birkin”