No Birkin

In honor of the unofficial Hermes week we’re celebrating here at Pursebop.com, my dear friend Maura Carlin contributes a hilarious take on the Birkin craze. Maura is a journalist and writer in NYC. You can find her musings on everyday life at mauramusing.blogspot.com

Ten years a Birkin fund . . . and still no Hermes Birkin. Lest you suspect I can’t save money, think again. I’ve squirreled away sufficient cash many times over only to blow the wad on something else . . . usually Chanel. So, why is it still called the Birkin Fund and why don’t I have one?

On some level, the Birkin is simply an aspirational concept. My girlfriends refer to the B as the unattainable big gift they will never receive and, frankly, they wouldn’t buy even if given the chance. Perhaps it’s the equivalent of the childhood dream-gift pony (one I never shared as my ideal present doesn’t poop).

The fact that Bs are not readily available to just anyone with bank likely heightens the desire. Trying to purchase a Birkin can be an intimidating process, even for a savvy, experienced, sophisticated shopper, fostered by rumors that you must linger on a list in the hope of some day being offered one. That’s right, the scuttlebutt is that you must wait for the opportunity to plunk down thousands on the spot.

I don’t know whether this urban legend is fact or fiction. I have never tried. Even with a fully funded secret stash, nerves come over me upon entering the H promise-land. The word Birkin gets stuck in my mouth. But that’s not the only problem.

I’ve not actually carried a Birkin. I’ve seen them, touched them, and held them. None of that compares to putting in your necessaries and walking around opening and closing the bag (which I am known to do before buying any other purse). Rumor has it that you can’t do that in a Hermes store. It’s a heavy bag empty, let alone loaded, and I don’t know whether my aging body can handle it. The clasp may be too difficult for soon-to-be arthritic fingers. And I do like my shoulder/crossbody option.

Maybe I’m more like Grace Kelly than Jane Birkin. Does “Kelly fund” have a nice ring?

Love Maura (&PurseBop)
XO